Master Builders of Iowa

From the day we are born we start negotiating in some fashion. We move from negotiations for more milk, to more desserts, to another date, to another kiss and well I will stop here as I have made the point. In business we are also on a daily basis negotiating, unless your job isolates you from human contact. Some people are intuitively good negotiators, and some are awful. The process of negotiations can be learned, but combining the learned skills with the ability to read people and gain their confidence through people skills is heard to teach.

I want to reflect on a few basic learned rules that will help you get what you want as a negotiator.

Take the time to identify what you want to achieve. This means identifying the problem, the best solution, an adequate solution and no solution. This requires inquiry and clear articulation of the issue. Sometimes once the problem is identified, the solution is in your immediate control. 

Do your homework on WHERE, HOW AND WHEN the problem arose and the cost of varied forms of a solution. Don’t leave it to your opponent to structure the solution as this loses control of the agenda. This process includes doing your homework on your opponent and determining their style and their agenda. YOU CAN NEVER
NEGOTIATE WITH A CRAZY PERSON.

Make sure you have the right teammates. Make sure you have the technical support close at hand. DON’T BRING A TARGET TO A SHOOTING CONTEST. Counsel your team on their demeanor to avoid sending confusing signals.
This process is not a popularity contest.

When the meeting starts, try for a clear establishment of the ground rules, why the opposing sides are meeting and determine if there is a clear consensus by each side of the exact issues. This is the area that needs the most time. A lot of effort can be wasted trying to solve a problem that is not clearly defined or recognized by both sides.

Learn the art of asking questions and listening to the answers. The process of identifying a problem gets easy when the other side is forced to articulate their concerns and they know they are being heard. Sometimes just a clearing of the air is all that is wanted and needed to make a problem go away. IT’S HARD TO LISTEN WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN.

Avoid making the problem personal. Some people are awful at this process as they view themselves as victims or in a battle where total victory is necessary to reaffirm their stature. When the process goes bad because of this type of problem, the chances of success goes down quickly as the focus on the problem and its solution takes a back seat to the personal struggle. Learn the value of laughter and get to a joke every now and then.

Learn the value of taking a break to consider the problem and the solutions that are available. Very few people can make great decisions consistently when winging it on their feet.

Don’t feel a need to win every issue. A win win result is easiest to achieve and build a long term relationship.

Try to read the people on the other side. People with good interpersonal skills usually find a way to read the feelings of the other side by their conduct and words including responses to issues and questions. This is a key to success that is hard to teach. It is also one where a good actor on the other side can very easily send wrong signals. This is a key reason to keep people talking on an issue as eventually the feelings on the other side start to be discovered. This practice is crucial for sensing when the other side is ready to settle on the issues. KNOW WHEN TO HOLD THEM AND KNOW WHEN TO FOLD THEM.

Short meetings with clear agendas work best as marathons can push people to results developed from frustration and tiredness, not logic. If you sense a bad outcome, avoiding the parties entering into fixed positions is the better course. This gives you time to look for new routes to a solution.

Keep good notes of prior meetings and use them to refresh everyone as a new meeting starts in order to avoid refreshing memories and losing gains from prior meetings.

Once an issue is resolved, reduce it to writing and be quiet; move to the next issue before you lose what you just gained. ONCE YOU HAVE SCORED, GET OFF THE FIELD.

Most importantly learn to recognize when you are in negotiations. Sometimes the process is happening and the other side is in control before you realize that you need to think like a negotiator.  Negotiating can take place at lunch, over a drink, on the golf course or at a pleasure event. Be aware of these chances and you will win more frequently.